Love Comes Softly
by Zarrah
Summary: (SB) Fantasy AU - William Spike' Harrington anticipates the birth of his first child with his wife Drusilla when tragedy strikes. Left alone with nothing more than a hand full of books, Spike tries to cope with his new role as father alone until he enlist
1. One

Love Comes Softly

By Zarrah

Title: Love Comes Softly

Author: Zarrah

Distribution: Let's get it done before we float it around.

Rating: PG-13?

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and ME. I'm just borrowing them as to highlight my boring life.

Pairing: Spike and Buffy – of course

Setting: Completely Fantasy AU.

Summary: William 'Spike' Harrington anticipates the birth of his first child with his wife Drusilla when tragedy strikes. Left alone with nothing more than a hand full of books, Spike tries to cope with his new role as father until he enlists the help of the nurse that was there from the beginning.

* * *

Prologue

_She could hear his frantic cries over the blaring sounds of the sirens as the gurney was pushed through the cold metal doors. The flashing reds lights from the ambulance danced across the ceiling and she blinked to try and regain her focus on the world around her. The commotion of doctors and nurses surrounding her was confusing as she tried to keep her attention on him. _

_The past nine months had been the best and worst time she could ever remember. The look on his face when she finally told him would be one she'd never forget. The pride he took in announcing to the world that they were expecting was one of her fondest memories. The fear and total devastation in hearing that, complications may alter the outcome for either her or the baby and his face as he cried when she told him the news._

_The agonizing months of trying to decide what to do came down to one final thought and as she caught a glimpse of him when they rounded the corner - in that one brief moment, she remembered why she had taken this chance. For him._

"Excuse me, Mr. Harrington? You can see her now."

Spike turned his head as he heard her voice and he blinked tired, blood shot eyes at her. She smiled but even to him it looked forced. He could tell everyone was treading lightly around him but even he couldn't blame them. Not every day you see a grown man have his heart ripped out. He almost wished he could be embarrassed by his actions, but at the moment, he could care less. Right now he only had one thing on his mind.

The door opened with a slight squeak as he pushed it and the nurse turned her head to greet him. Her smile was genuine. She smiled as if the world was wonderful. Her large green eyes shined as she looked up at him and he couldn't help but notice how the light from the window reflected off her blonde hair and created a halo of light around her. In short, she looked like an angel. Of everyone there, she was the only one that didn't act as if his whole world had crumbled and he hated her for it.

"There he is," the nurse beamed before turning her attention back to the small bassinet. "Are you ready to meet your daddy?"

Spike watched as the nurse reached inside the plastic bassinet and fussed with the blankets as she turned to him with what was left of his family. His eyes immediately landed to the wiggling form in her arms before she walked across the floor and stopped in front of him.

"She's beautiful," she said as she gently placed the baby in his arms.

Spike's eyes instantly filled with tears when he looked at her. Her complexion was like porcelain – just like her mother's. Mounds of dark curls crowned her head and the bluest eyes he had ever seen stared back up at him. He wasn't sure when he started crying but he couldn't seem to stop. The joy he felt at finally getting to hold his daughter was tarnished by her mother's death as thoughts of Drusilla flooded his mind. As he stared down at his daughter every sound she made broke his heart a little bit more knowing Drusilla would never get a chance to love her.

"There's a chair just behind you."

He managed to sit just as his knees gave out and he barely even noticed when his daughter was lifted from his arms. The tears were steady again and he cried out his pain. Images of her danced in his minds eye and it felt as if his world had ended. Months of preparing for this day seemed wasted to him now. If she weren't there, what difference did it make?

Buffy tried not to watch him as she busied herself with her charge. Only three hours old and already this little one had lost so much. First her mother and now? Buffy looked over her shoulder and sighed heavily as she looked at the baby's father. She wasn't sure how he'd manage. He barely looked able to care for himself at this point. How would he be able to care for a baby? The grief over losing his wife would cripple him when it came to the baby's care. Would he be able to handle it? Could he?

Turning and walking across the room to the bathroom, Buffy wet a towel, wringing it out before returning to the room. Of all the patients she had ever met, Buffy knew this one was going to break her heart. "Here you go Mr. Harrington," she said, softly.

Spike finally opened his eyes. It took him a minute before he could focus and see the wet towel she offered him before he took it from her. He covered his face with it and his eyes were instantly relieved. The cold seemed to snap him back into reality and he sighed heavily before looking up. "Thank you."

Buffy smiled as his softly spoken words reached her. "You're welcome," she replied. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"

"No."

Buffy sighed lightly as she looked at him. He was staring at the bassinet and her heart went out to him. "For what its worth, I am very sorry for your loss," Buffy told him.

Spike turned his head to look at her and for the first time he could actually see the sadness in her eyes. He gave her a small nod of his head before turning his attention back to his daughter. The impact of what he was now facing weighed heavily on him and a few stray tears made their way down his cheeks as he thought of his wife. "Did Dru get to see her before…"

Buffy stared at him as his words tapered off and he lowered his head before she smiled sadly. "Yes, she got to see her," she told him. "She said she has your eyes. I see she was right." Buffy knew that he would probably want to know but she didn't think he would be able to handle knowing his wife died while holding their daughter. She had been incoherent throughout the entire delivery but as soon as the baby arrived, a smile unlike Buffy had ever seen covered her face. Tears of joy slid down her cheeks and she cried as she held her baby. Her last words had stung Buffy unlike anything else ever would and her own eyes misted as they ghosted across her mind. _"For you my Sweet William, I'll give up the world."_

Spike turned and looked at her before a tiny smile tugged at his lips. "She does have my eyes, doesn't she?"

Buffy nodded her head as she looked at him and blinked back her tears as she gave him the biggest smile she could. Death was something she was familiar with and knew there was nothing she could do for him other than be there. With every death she witnessed, it brought back the memories of her mother and the total devastation she had felt when she had lost her to a brain tumor. She knew there was nothing she could say or do to make things better for him but from experience, she knew that just having someone there to witness your loss validated the pain.

Spike finally stood and walked the short distant to the bassinet and looked down at his sleeping daughter. She was beautiful, no doubt about that, but how he'd ever be able to care for her was beyond him. He knew nothing about babies. All the books Dru had forced him to read were only a starting point but actually having to act on them was a completely different thing. What if she got sick? How would he know? And what about the everyday things he knew he'd be faced with. Sure he could change a diaper on a plastic baby doll, but how will that differ when the baby is actually moving? Actually having to act upon the many scenarios he had read about was terrifying. He sighed before turning to look back at the nurse. "When can I take her home?"

Buffy smiled before walking across the room to where he was standing. "Well, first you need to pick a name for her," she said. "Can't have her make her mark on the world without a name."

Spike looked at the smiling face of the nurse before he looked back down at his daughter. Names had come and gone over the last several months and nothing ever seemed right. What Drusilla liked, he hadn't and vise versa. He knew the task of naming her would fall completely on him now and he smiled as he watched her tiny form wiggle in the confines of her blanket.

Drusilla's smiling face entered his mind and he forced back the tears threatening to fill his eyes. Her smile would be permanently etched in his mind and all the tiny, insignificant things people usually take for granted would stay with him a lifetime. As all the things that made his wife so special filled his mind, the one thing that brought her most joy caused his smile to widen. "I think I'll call her Lily." The vision of Drusilla dancing in her garden under the full moon entered his mind. She was a vision of pure beauty that he doubted would ever be replaced. He remembered teasing her mercilessly that the lilies that grew there received more attention than he did and he could hear her laughter as the breeze carried it away.

Buffy smiled as he turned to look at her. "That's a beautiful name, Mr. Harrington," she said before she walked around the bassinet and picked the baby up. "Welcome to the world, Lily."

Spike watched amused as the tiny, blonde nurse cooed at his daughter before he sighed in relief. Maybe things wouldn't be as bad as he thought. People had been raising children for thousands of years. How hard could it really be?

Chapter One

"So, are we still on for tonight?"

Buffy turned and looked at her friend Willow's excited face before returning the smile. "Yes," she said. "I promised didn't I?"

"Yeah, but we all know how crazy things have been lately. I was just making sure things hadn't changed." Willow said as she watched Buffy walk behind the main desk and collect her things.

"I know," Buffy said. "Its like - whatever could go wrong has."

"You don't think it's a new trend do you?" Willow asked as they headed for the elevators.

"Lord, let's hope not," Buffy said, horrified. "If I have to see any more tears in maternity and it not be tears of happiness, I'm going to quit my job."

Willow laughed to try and lighten the mood as the elevator doors closed and it made its way down. "You'll never quit this job. You love it too much."

Buffy grinned as the elevator came to a stop on the first floor and the doors opened. "I know," she said. "But all the drama is starting to suck the fun out of my job."

"I know exactly what you mean."

Willow Rosenberg. Please report to ER

Willow and Buffy both stopped as the announcement was made over the hospital intercom. They both groaned before they turned and started down the hall to the hospitals emergency department. Both girls were expecting the worst as they walked the short distance to the emergency room and were both relieved to see nothing more than a few patients and a deliveryman. Willow smiled as she turned to look at Buffy before giggling.

Buffy watched her friend sign for the large bouquet of flowers that she was sure Willow's boyfriend Oz had sent. She smiled as she watched her before she turned as commotion at the side door caught her attention. Her eyes widened as she saw a familiar face running towards the front desk and before she had a chance to question why, her feet were moving her toward him.

"Please. There's something wrong with her."

"Name?" The nurse behind the desk asked before sighing heavily as she looked up disinterested.

"William Harrington."

"The baby sir. Not yours."

"Her name is Lily Harrington." Buffy could see the desperation on his face and gave him a tiny smile before turning to look at the nurse.

Spike felt the tension coiled in his neck drain away as the nurse that had cared for his daughter after she was born smiled at him. "Something's wrong," he told her. "She won't stop crying."

"Hand her to me," Buffy said.

Spike handed his one week old daughter over to the only nurse he remembered who hadn't treated him like a total basket case. Lily's cries were still persistent and he had almost joined her in her crying fit out of frustration. As Buffy told the nurse behind the desk all the information she needed, Spike sighed in relief.

"Let's go see what's wrong," Buffy said before looking up at Spike. "There are a few papers you need to fill out."

Spike nodded his head as he watched Buffy turn and walk away. His stomach was turning flips and he barely heard his name being called before someone touched his arm.

"Buffy will take care of her," Willow said. "The sooner we get these papers filled out, the sooner you can get back there." Willow watched as Spike nodded his head at her before taking one last look at Buffy and turned back to the desk. She smiled in spite of knowing that another night on the town was officially canceled.

Spike followed Willow down the hall to the last room on the right. Buffy was the first person he saw and he smiled as he looked over at Lily. "She's not crying."

"Nope," Buffy said. "Just a little case of gas."

"Gas?" Spike asked before looking over to the doctor.

"The best I can tell that's all that is wrong with her," the doctor said before signing Lily's release papers. "Just like us, they get fussy when they're hurting."

Spike sighed in relief as the doctor instructed him on how to handle the situation if it ever occurred again before he shook his hand left the room. His eyes immediately landed on Buffy and he smiled as she picked Lily up.

"You have been burping her after you feed her, right?" Buffy asked.

"Well, yeah," Spike said as Buffy crossed the room. "Sometimes she just won't though."

"You have to keep at it until she does or…"

"A crying fit that drives me crazy?"

"Exactly," Buffy said as she handed Lily back to Spike. "There's actually several ways to do it if one way isn't working."

"Like?" Spike asked as he turned his attention from Lily and back to Buffy.

"Well, on your shoulder is one way," she said. "Or lay her across your legs and pat her back that way. Sometimes just moving her around will help." She watched him as he nodded his head before he looked back down at his daughter. She watched him as he stood there staring at his daughter before she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye. She saw Willow grinning widely before her friend wiggled her eyebrows at her.

"Can I take her home now?"

Buffy turned back to Spike before smiling. "Yes," she said. "You just need to sign the discharge papers and you can be on your way."

Spike nodded as Buffy turned to grab the papers and he repositioned Lily before trying to take the papers. "Um...do you mind holding her for a second?"

"Not at all," Buffy smiled.

Spike handed his daughter over before signing the necessary papers and turning back to the blonde nurse. "Thanks," he said before taking Lily from her.

"You're welcome," Buffy said. She watched as he stood there looking at her for a few seconds before he finally said goodbye and turned. As he exited the room, Willow returned.

"Who's the hottie?"

Buffy rolled her eyes before turning to clean the room. "William Harrington," she said. "And don't go getting any ideas."

"Why not?"

"Uh…in case you haven't noticed he has a newborn daughter."

"So," Willow grinned. "I didn't see the mother around."

Buffy turned and looked at Willow before giving her friend a tiny smile. "The mother died during childbirth."

"Oh my God!" Willow squealed. "Buffy! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean anything…"

"Willow. It's fine," Buffy said as she saw Willow's face cloud over in regret.

"But I feel all poopy now."

"Don't," Buffy said. "It was a honest mistake."

"Yeah. I guess so," Willow said, still not convinced.

Buffy turned and looked over her shoulder at Willow and could tell by the look on her face she felt bad. She sighed lightly before picking up the used bed covering and started for the door. "He is kinda cute though."

Willow glanced at Buffy as she walked by and grinned big as Buffy winked at her. Both girls were giggling like teenagers as they left the room and started back down the hall.

TBC….


	2. Two

Loves Comes Softly

Chapter 2

She hated the graveyard shift. Always had. Ever since she was hired at Sunnydale Memorial, Buffy had loathed spending her nights making rounds on the darkened halls of the hospital. The low light in the corridors made time seem to stand still and the lack of noise was almost deafening. Of course the occasional expectant mother would come in and bring a little excitement her way but usually – it was always quiet.

Her nights were usually filled with making rounds of the patients and seeing that they were comfortable and tonight was no exception. She had walked the halls three times already and she finally stopped by the large windows of the nursery. Peering inside the softly lit room, she smiled down at the sleeping babies on the other side of the glass. Every one of them had been in her arms at one point and she couldn't help but feel a little jealous of their mothers. To have someone to love and who would love you back unconditionally seemed like a dream. It would certainly make life seem a little more worth living.

She had been completely alone for several years now. Learning her mother was sick had put her into research mode and she scrambled for every bit of information she could find. Her mother's illness was one of the reasons she wanted to become a nurse. It was only natural that she'd want to help others in her same predicament. Working on the maternity floor had been a fluke. One she would be forever grateful for. Her best friend Willow was a Maternity nurse and a simple visit to the maternity floor to visit her had been all it took. After seeing so much death it was a nice change to actually be there to help usher in a new life and she happily put in for a transfer. Buffy knew she'd much rather welcome life into the world than help a grieving family cope with losing one.

Her life in Sunnydale was a lonely one, but she was grateful for the friends she had. The only remaining family she had was an absentee father somewhere in the world. She had last seen him at her mother's funeral and he hadn't even stayed for the whole thing. Just a quick stop over on his way to someplace exotic with his twenty-something year old girlfriend had been all the contact she had with him, so it was nice to have someone else to actually care about her. Her long hours made it hard for her to meet new people so the majority of her friends were on staff at the hospital. Not that she was complaining. She felt a bond with these people unlike any she had ever had. Her friends here were her family now.

Sighing heavily Buffy gave one final look at the babies before turning and walking down the hall to the reception area. She smiled as Tara looked up at her from behind the desk as she rounded the corner of the hall. "Hey Tara. Anything happening yet?"

"Afraid not," Tara replied with a smile. "Looks to be another quiet night."

"I was afraid of that," Buffy sighed as she approached the desk and leaned over it, grabbing the patient list and staring at it for the tenth time that night. "I hate nights like this."

"Me too," Tara said. "Almost makes you wish for the chaos of multiple births at once."

"I'll agree with you there," Buffy smiled before lying the patient's list back down. "I guess I'll go make another round," she sighed.

"You're going to wear a hole in the carpets if you don't stop pacing the halls."

"I know," Buffy smiled. "But it beats just sitting here."

"I know exactly what you mean," Tara said as Buffy once again started for the hall.

"Yell if you need me."

"Unless you want to man the phones, I think I've got it covered," Tara smiled before glancing down at the red flashing light on the phone and sighing heavily. "And here comes call number ninety-two for the night," she said softly to herself before grabbing the phone and answering the line. "Maternity. How may I direct your call?"

"Yes, I'm looking for a nurse. I think her name was - Betty, maybe."

Tara thought hard for a minute before shaking her head. "No, I'm sorry sir," she said. "There's no one named Betty that works here."

"Oh. I'm sorry to say that I really don't know what her name was."

"Are you sure she works in Maternity?"

"Yes. She was there when my daughter was born."

"I see," Tara said. "Well, without a name I'm not real sure I can help you. Is there something I can do for you?" Tara could hear a baby crying in the background and the rush of air as the man on the other end sighed heavily into the phone had her smiling.

"Yeah I guess, but I'd really rather talk to her."

"I see," Tara said. "Well, could you describe her to me? Maybe that will help."

"Yeah. She had long blonde hair. Green eyes. Kind of short – real pretty."

"Ok" Tara said smiling as she looked down the hall as Buffy walked away. She smiled as she thought of the name "Betty." "Maybe you're looking for Buffy. We have a Buffy here. Is that who you mean?"

"Yes! Buffy. That was her name."

"Okay," Tara smiled. "Hang on one minute and I'll get her for you." Tara put the call on hold and smiled big as she looked down the hall. "Buffy," she said as loudly as she dared. "There's a call for you on line one."

Buffy turned back and looked at Tara and the wide grin on her face. She wondered what it was for before she quickly walked back down the hall. "Who is it?"

"It's a guy," Tara grinned as she handed Buffy the phone's receiver. "And he has an accent. We know how you love that."

Buffy's grinned as she reached out and took the receiver. "Don't get cute," she told Tara as she placed the phone by her ear. "You know as well as I do there isn't any guy in my life."

"I know," Tara giggled. "He called you Betty anyway."

Buffy mouthed the word "Betty" and watched Tara laugh before shaking her head and reaching over the desk to hit the flashing button on the phone. When the line connected she immediately heard the wailing of an infant. "This is Buffy Summers."

"Buffy – Hi, This is Spike – I mean William Harrington. I'm not sure if you remember me or not."

Buffy's smiled matched Tara's as she heard his voice and she turned her back to her still giggling friend. "Mr. Harrington. I do remember you," she said trying to drown out Tara's light laughter. "How can I help you?"

"It's Lily," Spike replied. "I don't understand what's wrong."

Buffy could hear the fatigue in his voice. She couldn't help but feel sorry for him. She could only imagine what he was going through. "What exactly is the problem, Mr. Harrington?"

"Spike."

"Excuse me?"

"Spike. I go by Spike."

"Oh. I see," Buffy smiled. "Ok Spike, What seems to be the problem?"

"Lily," Spike said. "I can't bring her to the hospital every time she cries but she hasn't stopped crying in over an hour. I can't figure out what's wrong."

Buffy's heart clenched as he talked. He sounded so desperate and worn that her heart immediately went out to him. "Okay," she said before taking a deep breath. "I'm sure you've tried feeding her?" She waited and nodded as he said yes. "Changed her – burped her?" Every question was followed by a firm yes and she tried to think of the obvious first to try and save him from panicking. "Ok. When is the last time she slept?"

"She had a nap this evening."

Buffy couldn't help but smile. He sounded almost in tears as she listened to him ramble on about Lily's daily routine and she wondered if he had anyone to help him. As he finally finished talking, she turned to look at Tara before smiling at her friend. "Well, I'm not real sure what the problem is," she told him. "It's kind of hard when I can't see for myself. Does she feel warm?" No was the answer to that question and Buffy racked her brain as she tried to think of anything not health related. "Have you tried bathing her?"

"I've given her a bath today."

"When was that?" She asked.

"Earlier – maybe noon."

"Did she sleep after her bath?"

Spike laughed lightly as he rubbed his face before answering. "Yeah. All bloody day long."

Buffy smiled when she thought she knew the answer. "Are you trying to make her sleep now?"

"Yes," Spike answered. "Its three in the bloody morning!"

Buffy laughed lightly before shaking her head. "She's probably not sleepy. Maybe try giving her another bath and see if that helps."

"A bath?" Spike asked. "How is that going to help?"

"It'll relax her. Make her sleepy," Buffy answered.

"Oh," Spike said. "Okay. Well, will you be there a while?"

"I'll be here all night."

"Great," Spike said, relieved. "Is it okay if I call you back if the bath doesn't work?"

"That will be fine, Mr. Harrington."

"Please, call me Spike."

Buffy could hear the smile in his voice and her lips curved into one of its on. "Okay, Spike. Call me anytime."

As the line went dead, Buffy couldn't help but sigh. "That poor guy is going to have a nervous breakdown if he don't get some help with her."

"Help with who?" Tara asked as Buffy hung the phone back up.

"Lily," Buffy said.

Tara was about to ask who Lily was, when Buffy smiled and started back down the hall. She could see by the look on her friend's face that the phone call had made her night. She'd have to remember and ask Willow who Mr. Harrington was. If anyone would know – it was Willow.

Spike returned the phone to its cradle before he turned to look at Lily as she lay in the small bassinet in the living room. She was still whimpering and he sighed heavily before rubbing his face and crossing the room and looking down at her. Her bottom lip was quivering as she cried and Spike couldn't help but smile. "Okay nibblet," he said before reaching out and picking her up. "The pretty nurse says its bath time."

He still couldn't believe how things had turned out. When the news came that he'd finally be a father, never in his wildest dreams did he think he'd be doing everything himself. He had a new appreciation for women who did this. He had only been trying to deal with it for a week and he felt run down. Women the world over did it daily and made it look easy. They all deserved a medal in his opinion.

As he walked down the hall to the kitchen he shook his head at the mess that lined the floor. Never had the house been in such disarray. It felt as if he did nothing all day but chase after the things Lily needed. The washing had been left for another day, as had the cleaning. It seemed like another day never came. The kitchen cabinets were littered with the remains of take out food cartons and he wondered if he'd ever find the time to actually cook again.

Grabbing the small washbasin, Spike slid it across the counter and shook his head as he watched paper plates and napkins fall to the floor. "Guess I need to clean eventually. What do you think?" He asked, looking down at his daughter. Her bright, wide eyes stared up at him and she yawned before kicking her feet. "Now you're sleepy?"

Spike chuckled before filling the tub with water and stripping Lily of her clothes before gently placing her in the water. She tensed up as her body came into contact with the water and his heart raced as he tried to get a good hold of her. He really hated this part. Not that Lily complained about bath time – it was just she was so slippery. He constantly worried about losing his grip and her getting hurt. Getting water in her eyes and ears worried him too. He had scoured every Internet site he could to find out if he was bathing her correctly and he felt like an idiot most of the time at the things he was searching for.

Truth be known, he knew nothing about babies. He was an only child with no family. Both his parents had been only children so his contact with babies was – none. His desire for a family was what brought him here. Orphaned at an early age made him long for the simple pleasures of a family. Drusilla knew this and had sacrificed everything so he could have his dream. Now – the dream seemed futile without her to complete it.

His chest tightened as he thought of her and he inhaled deeply before shaking his head and focusing on his task. It was easier that way. He had too much to deal with now to sink into the depression his body desperately wanted. If it weren't for Lily, he would have crawled into the cheapest bottle of bourbon he could find and not come out. She was the only thing keeping him going at the moment.

Pushing the memories of Drusilla away, Spike finished Lily's bath before looking around him for a towel. He rolled his eyes when he realized he had forgotten it again. Lifting her from the water he smiled as he held her up and looked at her. "Now you're going to go to sleep like a good little girl, aren't you?" Her response was immediate and Spike held her away from his body as she soaked the front of his shirt. He looked down at his now wet shirt and he cocked one eyebrow before looking back at her "You just couldn't wait for a diaper, could you?"

He laughed in spite of the mess and it was at that moment that Spike's heart soared as he looked at her. His beautiful baby girl chose that moment to gave him his first gift. The tiniest of smiles curved her lips and he couldn't help but fall a little bit more in love with her. It was the first time since Drusilla's death that he felt truly happy. One simple smile – albeit small - had touched him like nothing else ever had. Pulling her flush against him, Spike sighed as he leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Promise you'll always be daddy's little girl," he whispered softly. "I can't bear to loose you too."

To Be Continued…


End file.
